Note: This blog, as the others I’m writing on Fridays, is to share things God is showing me in hopes they might encourage or help you. As you read this blog, and any others, know that I am in an emotionally good place, just ask my doctor or close friends.

 Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I am a recovering professional stuffer.  That sounds like a support  group I could create. I’m not talking about food or cushioning material, but the suppression of my true feelings and desires. I am a people-pleasing, peacemaking person who tends to hide from my own feelings.

If you ask me how I am doing, I’m likely to say “fine” or “good,” regardless of how I really feel. Responding “fine” or “good” is the programmed response. Our culture trains us to be good. There are times this is appropriate, but there are other times when I need to share how I’m really feeling, at least with myself and God.

If I am going through an extremely difficult or scary time, you might hear me additionally say, “I know God is control.” I believe that is true at all times, but I may be using that as a smoke screen to deny my true feelings. I may not be taking those fears or struggles to Him to do what only He can in the middle of the situation.

I’m so good at stuffing I can hide my true feelings from myself. Recently, I had a doctor’s appointment. After the visit, it was as if I had been set free. The worry and concern about the visit, feelings I didn’t know were there, were gone. The high blood pressure on check-in should have been a clue of my anxiety.

Where did this stuffing come from? I’ve done it as long as I can remember. Some of it I come by naturally: my personality, choices, and upbringing. Other parts of it I learned through my years as an athlete, ignoring the feelings to get the job done. Regardless of the source, I’ve decided my stuffing days are over.

How am I going to deal with my stuffing?

1. I’ve made a conscious choice to be aware of signs I’m ignoring my feelings: strong emotions of anger or frustration, or an outburst out of proportion to the situation.
2. I’m spending more time in His presence through worship, Bible reading, and more.
3. I’m asking God to show me when I’m stuffing, so I can be honest with myself and Him.
4. In the appropriate time and space, I’m sharing my true feelings with others.

I’m excited about a new year with a deeper understanding of the things that keep me from deeper relationship with God and others. I’m throwing out the stuffing this year.

What about you? What are your experiences with stuffing?