I don’t go around counting days or years since my mom went to be with the Lord, but I did initially. I’ve been told that’s a normal part of grieving. However, I have become aware that today marks five years. It doesn’t feel like just yesterday, but it doesn’t seem like it has been that long either.

There are times I miss her deeply, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before. More often than not, I have fond memories of our time together and think about how much she would enjoy different things currently happening in our lives. When the tears come, as they do from time to time, (another normal occurrence) they’re not in despair, but filled with love, hope, and joy. I’m thankful to have had the time I did with my mom. I am sure others feel the same.

So I wanted to do something to celebrate, as my dad says, my mom’s fifth birthday in heaven. I thought I’d go back and look at what I wrote after she passed away and shared it at her memorial service. It is filled with great memories and stirs up many more. Today, I give thanks for my mom and the hope of seeing her again. Here’s to my mom, family, and friends like family too!

As a daughter, I have found it easy to overlook the unique qualities of the woman I have called mom my whole life.  After all, she’s my mom.  But after she was admitted to the hospital, I started seeing her differently.  I realized she had rare and special traits not found in everyone’s mom.   I saw her as a precious gift God was using for His purposes in many people’s lives, not just mine and our family’s.  As I had the opportunity to talk with her, her friends, and my family and watch how she walked this final part of her journey, I saw more than I had seen before, but I almost missed it.  It could be partly due to her nature: she was content to remain in the background, but there is no doubt my mom was unique.  I think you all that knew her would agree.  It has been amazing to see that whether I’m talking to my brother, another family member, a friend, or the next door neighbor, someone who has known her for 60+ years or someone who has just met her briefly, I hear how she impacted their lives because of any or all of the following:

– Radiating love
– Fun and playful, sometimes even a little mischievous
– Great sense of humor and being full of laughter
– Energetic
– Selflessness
– Being genuine, non-pretentious – what you saw was what you got
– Faith filled
– Kind, Caring, Compassionate, Friendly
– Supportive and encouraging; she made you feel safe
– An infectious, continual smile
– Honest and loyal friend
– Strong, energetic

As I was thinking about these descriptions and what to share, I knew we had something in the house that represented mom’s life.  Actually, if you’ve ever been to any of the houses we’ve lived in over the years,  you know just walking in the house provides a picture of  my mom:  her love of family, friends, food, travel, and her talents as a decorator, organizer, and home maker.  She could turn any place into a home and she had several opportunities to prove just that, not only in her homes but also in mine, and in some of our friends’.  But the other day, I found a spoon rack in the kitchen that to me depicts how mom approached life.  It reads:  Live life passionately, laugh out loud, and love unconditionally.

Live Life Passionately
Mom was passionate about God and passionate about people, sharing Christ in how she lived
As a teenager she was involved in almost every activity you could be at school:  student council, cheerleading, the school paper, basketball, typing (she even won a competition for the fastest typing her freshman year), choir, and more.   She’d spend as much time with friends as she could, playing or talking before she’d have to get home for chores.

I don’t think she ever met a stranger, and it didn’t take long for her to take you in as a friend or part of the family

• When my parents lived in Copperas Cove, Mom helped out two different military families.  Whether it was inviting them over for dinner, cleaning their house, or something else,  Mom was there.  Both have shared how this helped hold their families together while their husbands were deployed.
• In college, my roommates were always excited when I went home as they knew Mom would be sending them back some home-made cookies or other treats. She made our cross-country team in high school reindeer costumes for a themed fun run ,and when I was in college, she made us matching shorts

She supported and encouraged her family and friends.

• She would pick out just the right card, underline key words, add extra exclamation points, sometimes add her own words, and then put in a heart or smiley face.  A card, email, or most recently, a text message from mom was not a mere formality but a genuine act of love.
• She and my dad moved here to be closer to my brother and his family;  a simple phone call was all it took to get them over to help with the grandchildren or a project.
• When we were younger, mom and dad not only traveled hours, but sat through countless basketball games, cross-country meets, marching band competitions, just to see us perform for a few minutes.  If things didn’t go as well as we hoped, you knew you could get a hug from mom afterwards and sometimes a laugh to help you realize it wasn’t  as devastating as it felt at the time.

Holidays and family trips were always special occasions as mom ensured we had just the right decor, food, and fun to make it special. I remember running all over Chicago one night just to get a glimpse of some of the various famous restaurants we wanted to see, including the Michael Jordan Cafe.  She didn’t seem to care we couldn’t pick a place, but let us keep checking out different ones until we found one that didn’t have too long of a wait.

She loved to travel, pointing out the beautiful scenery and looking for a chance to listen to some music.  The music could be a musical, the Gaithers, a visit to Branson, a performance at church, a concert in the park, or a soundtrack from An American Tale as we went to sleep on camping trips.

My brother and I could often get her to do different things with us, not always because she enjoyed it but because she enjoyed being with us.

• a pick up game of basketball in the backyard (after all she was a tomboy growing up; I’ve been told she and Patti often beat the boys in basketball),tennis, a random road trip or project
• or on our last trip to Walt Disney world I convinced her to ride the Rocking Roller coaster (For those unfamiliar with that ride it is well beyond the normal kiddy roller coasters we had done.  It occurs indoors, in the dark with the rock music of Aerosmith playing as you launch out from 0 to 60 in less than 3 seconds, you fly through the ride even going upside down a few times experiencing more Gs than an astronaut.  Mom did this just 4 years ago.  She did say the next day she’d have to skip Mt. Everest as she thought she was a little dizzy still from the previous day’s ride.)

Mom gave all she had in whatever task you put her in.  She described her favorite job as a group of people who worked hard, played hard and ate hard.

Laugh out loud
Everyone commented on mom’s sense of humor and ability to make people laugh; she shared this joy with all she met

Last year on a family trip to Galveston we were playing putt-putt, a family tradition.  Afterwards we thought a family picture was in order.  My friend happened to be along and volunteered to take the picture.  We’re not sure what happened, but mom started rolling down the hill, Erin kept snapping pictures, and Jason tried to block her from knocking anyone over.  We were all laughing.  And who was laughing the loudest?  Mom

Time with the grandchildren, Ian and Izzie, always brought lots of laughs whether it was a trip to Disney, making pancakes or cookies, sliding at the park, or playing in the backyard, especially in the inflatable swimming pool.

Game time was another opportune time for laughing.  We can’t remember what would get it started, but usually one comment would be made that would get repeated and amplified throughout the night.  Before you knew it, we were all laughing so hard we were crying. One time I think a few of us even had to run off to the bathroom.  Those were perfect snack break times and, of course, mom was always prepared with a treat.

Love Unconditionally
These verses from 1 Peter 4 describe mom’s unconditional love: “Most importantly, love each other deeply.  Love has a way of not looking at others’ sins.  Open your homes to each other…. So be good servants and use your gifts to serve others.”

Mom served others. Once when visiting family in South Dakota, she went to visit Shirley, who had just broken her hip.  Mom walked in the door, asked for a bucket and proceeded to mop the kitchen floor.

On a trip to Maine, mom and dad arrived for breakfast at the same time as two others from the group.  They didn’t really know one another, but when the waiter asked how many, mom said four.  This was the start of a good friendship with Helen and Virginia.

I remember too, when mom was at HealthSouth doing her rehab, she wrote a note to the kitchen staff on her order.  It was a typical mom note with YUMMY!!! scribbled out to the side or THAT sounds good and of course it had some smiley faces.  The next day the kitchen staff had sent a note back saying how blessed they had been to receive such a note.  I’m sure most people’s comments to kitchen staff at hospitals are a little less positive.

Food was one of the ways she showed loved.  And she was a good cook, even though she didn’t do much until she married.  We’ve all been guinea pigs to new recipes because as she said, “If it’s bad there are more people to help eat it.”    A good meal with family and friends was one way to share what was important.

Mom loved everyone unconditionally, but she was especially proud of her family and she loved family time.  The evidence is hanging on the walls of our home and in the various scrapbooks she has made.

Through my Mom’s life it is evident that she loved God and she loved people. I found this quote in her journal the other day and felt it best describes the desire of mom’s heart:

“If we meet and you forget me, you have lost nothing, but if you meet Jesus Christ and forget him you have lost everything.”

She wanted the life she lived, even in the last days,  to reflect Christ so those she loved would know Him personally.